Some dating services are just not that into you

Posted April 8, 2010 at 3:54 p.m.

Laptop-Dating-Web.jpg(Tony Avelar/Bloomberg)

By Becky Yerak and Zoe Galland |
It’s bad enough when a potential suitor breaks your heart. Now, dating services are causing grief for consumers.

The Better Business Bureau said complaints in northern Illinois about matchmaking services have more than doubled to 137 in the past year, up from 66 for the previous 12-month period.

“As with any business transaction, be sure to read all agreements,
guarantees, and instructions before signing and be wary of vaguely
worded provisions, exclusions or limitations which could pose a problem
later,” Steve Bernas, chief executive of the BBB serving northern
Illinois, said in a statement.


The BBB told of a 70-year-old McHenry, Ill., woman who paid $1,695 for
an 18-month period, and didn’t realize it was an extra $20 a month to be
able to go online and see potential matches after the first six months.

She said pickings were slim in the 65 to 75 year old age range.

“Many of them want to go out with women 15 years younger,” she told the
BBB. “I joined in June of 2009 and have only met three people.”

Common complaints included few arranged dates, subpar prospects, and
poor service.

Matchmaking services often say they have a database of thousands of
singles in the area and promise a minimum number of dates, the BBB said.
But “one complainant reported to only have received three referrals
over a 12-month period, significantly less than what was promised.”

Consumers complained about being paired with people who didn’t
match their criteria, including smokers or people who lived too far
away.

Others were told by the matchmaking companies to quit being so picky
about who they dated.

The BBB encourages consumers to check its Web site for complaints, to
avoid high-pressure sales tactics, and to realize that they might not
stop being billed once the contract runs out.

Two dating companies that have a large number of complaints on the Better Business Bureau’s site are Soulmates, a service aimed at Chicago singles that is based in Palatine, and Great Expectations, which is aimed at singles throughout the U.S. Neither are BBB-accredited.

“Some dating services automatically renew memberships and there are
steps that must be taken, such as calling the company, to keep from
being billed again,” the BBB said.

Dating service difficulties are not new for either the subscribers or the businesses. In 2004, The Wall Street Journal ran an article on the dating service “Eight at Eight,” whose founder, Sarah Kathryn Smith, discussed how hard it was for Eight at Eight to find male subscribers. Men made up 60 percent of visitors to online personals sites in 2004, but were “a much tougher sell for
higher-end matchmaking services, which usually subject participants to
extensive face-to-face interviews that require personal information
upfront.”

The BBB noted this as well, saying that because dating sites are divided into these two categories — online dating Web sites and personalized matchmaking companies — the types of complaints to the BBB are divergent, since “the two services take a different approach to helping people find compatibility.”


The New York Times reported in February that online dating is currently a $976 million annual industry in the United States, using estimates from research firm Marketdata Enterprises.

 

26 comments:

  1. RegularGuy April 8, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    Women registered with these dating services are interested in only one thing – $$$.
    Questions about how much you earn and how much you have accumulated are part of the second date, and the man’s answers determine whether or not there will be a third date.
    Run, don’t walk, away from these Senior Gold Digging Girls.

  2. sowhatandmetoo April 8, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    How’s the one that spams the Tribune?

  3. sherburt April 9, 2010 at 8:09 a.m.

    The reason men don’t pay $1,700+ for a match-making service is because it’s ridiculous to do so. With all the on-line dating sites like Match, Salon, eHarmony, etc., you pay a fraction of that and can view and read profiles on a lot more people. Why in the world would you pay someone to screen people on your behalf? I wouldn’t be attracted to anyone who wasted $1,700 on this service. Just shows me they’re irresponsible with money.

  4. lrn2datenubs April 9, 2010 at 8:20 a.m.

    Not to mention that half the people poking around on these sites are Nigerian scammers…

  5. Andrew Metcalfe April 9, 2010 at 8:20 a.m.

    I don’t get it: Trib outlines poor service in an industry, but doesn’t name a single name? Pretty lame, Tribune.

  6. Patrick April 9, 2010 at 10:09 a.m.

    I did the dating service thing when I was younger. It got me nowhere. Want to know where I met my wife? It was in the course of doing things I was truly interested in, not in the course of looking for a mate. If you’re having trouble meeting the right person, the place to start work is on yourself. If you’re unhappy, lonely, feel like you’re only meeting creeps, the problem is far more likely to be solved by working on yourself than wasting money on services which exist for only one purpose: to make money off of you. That’s right. Those dating services aren’t being run to make you happy. They are being run to make money. The best place to get started? A therapists’s office. Find out what your issues are, where you are stuck, what is standing in your way. Work on that, and it’s amazing how much better your life is likely to go for you. Then go out and do what you love to do, and you will meet someone who also loves what you love to do. In the long run, you will save money AND get far better results.

  7. Yeah, right April 9, 2010 at 10:18 a.m.

    Regular guy, if the senior women are interested in money, most senior men are interested in one thing as well: a caretaker, otherwise known as a nurse with a purse. But some of these services also are out after money alone. Years ago I checked one of the services out. After I told them they were too expensive, they told me I could just use a credit card and wouldn’t have to worry about the money that way. I told them fat chance and left their office.

  8. Online success April 9, 2010 at 10:46 a.m.

    I had alot of success on Eharmony! I met my boyfriend of 9 months on EHarmony. I was on the site for over a year and met and talked to a few people. Sometimes it does take time. I definitely don’t think it takes 1700 though- thats crazy…the online sites work!

  9. Burnside April 9, 2010 at 10:59 a.m.

    Why would anybody pay for an online dating service? I have used Plenty of Fish and found plenty of people to date on this free service. Check out the free dating services first before you pay good money.

  10. Kim Gach April 9, 2010 at 11:05 a.m.

    I too, fell for the Great Expectations scam. I thought I might meet men of a higher caliber. I was a sucker. I met one person, signed a 2 year contract, and spent over $2000. As far as online sites, most of the middle aged men seem to be players. I’ve met dozens of men and found them to be either men who misrepresented themselves or men perpetually looking. We would meet, spend several hours having great conversation; they ask for my number, and then don’t call. I guess not interested. If I met a man and wasn’t interested, I had one drink, said nice to meet you, and left. I’m done.

  11. A April 9, 2010 at 11:51 a.m.

    Go with the free sites, or the ones without contracts. eHarmony and other contract sites will allow you to waste money. Like other things, people will be baited and you live, you learn. Oh well! I was on Plenty of Fish, as someone else mentioned, and it worked very well. You have to be patient with others and yourself.

  12. Max Zorn April 9, 2010 at 11:55 a.m.

    These sites are depressing:
    * They are loaded with people (women) who are not actually full, current members, so they can’t really respond to your communications
    * Yes, a lot of scammers & Nigerian cons – if the woman is “too” good looking or the response is too quick, the woman is either fake or in the Ukraine
    * The women have unrealistic expectations (the reason they’re on-line in the 1st place); they think Brad Pitt is one e-mail away
    * Some of these women aren’t actually looking for relationships – they just want to improve their self-esteem by having 150 men show interest in them
    Never again

  13. James April 9, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    If you want to meet people, turn off your damn computer and go meet people. Most of you would probably find it much easier to get dates if you spent more time exercising and less time masturbating in front of your monitor.

  14. Innocent III April 9, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb is an interesting read on the dynamics and economics of online dating services, and matchmaker services in general.
    At least, if that 70 yo woman had read it, she’d have a more realistic view of what she’d be likely to find online.
    http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/0525951512

  15. Jenna Harney April 9, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    Hi – I wanted to comment on Eight at Eight Dinner Club. I have been a member on and off for the last 3 years. They do not make false claims about their gender balance issues – after appearing on Oprah they’ve got too many ladies.
    When i first signed up they put me on a waitlist because they didn’t have enough male profiles coming into the system. Once it evened out they called. The price is $450 to meet 20 new men and you do pay for what you eat at the meal. A hostess greets you and she is the matchmaker behind the table.
    I have had some successful tables and some duds. Getting out there is the point which is what you’re paying for – decent matching and introductions.

  16. MJ April 9, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    As Kim Gach alluded earlier, stay away from Great Expectations. They also got me back in 2003. A 6-year contract for over $4,000 (yes, 4 grand!) It was my first hard lesson that one should run for the exits once you’re being strong-armed into purchasing someone’s services.
    Although I waited too late before I took action, a lawyer suggested to me that if enough people file complaints to the IL Atty. General’s office, a class-action suit may be filed.
    Great Expectations has already been sued by Atty. Generals in the states of AZ, PA, and most recently in WI (they settled in AZ.) If enough people press Lisa Madigan on the issue, she may do the same.

  17. E April 9, 2010 at 5:43 pm

    The same thing happened to me. My choice was Selective Search(yeah, right, real “Selective”!!). I was told that only a “small” percentage of “applicants” were accepted. I was also told that there were “hundreds” of clients. You see, it wasn’t a Dating Service, but a place to meet high quality people interested in marriage(mmmm…) I was fixed up a few times, almost every time with someone who was a regular. Not one date was interested or capable of having a real relationship. One guy told me that I was taking too long to order dinner and told me to hurry up and make a (expletive) decision! Another guy was twenty years older and lived in Omaha.Much better, much cheaper to go online…I guess that with dating services, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Pretty pathetic.

  18. Stein April 9, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    In addition to Max Zorn’s comments:
    * Not only are there not full and current members, but there’s definitely a “baiting” and a scamming factor involved on some of these sites. People get tricked into joining fulltime, as there are deceptive practices at work all the time.
    You sign up for a free three day membership, and next thing you know you have emails coming in from lovely ladies who appear very interested in you. After your trial period is expired and you are signed up, suddenly the ladies are not emailing you anymore. Once you cancel, miriculously a new crop of lovely ladies send you emails again.
    Hmmmm….
    * The process in which people meet and screen each other is very superficial and full of games. Ladies(and men) are always looking for the bigger fish…always looking for perfection and never satisfied. And who can blame them (especially the ladies) when they have 20 guys emailing them every day, and you date someone tonight knowing that tommorow there will be another one waiting in the wings? The entire courting process is very shallow, short-lived and tainted.
    I tried it for a while, eventually got sick of it and thankfully met my wife in a more traditional manner.

  19. Liz April 9, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    Well, I the first and only man I met from E Harmony was a man I fell in love with. We dated for several years. He proposed, but it didn’t work out. Not the fault of the website-we were great together but things happen.
    Would I do it again? Sure, I guess. But no way I’d pay the kind of money the lady in this article did. That’s just unbelievable.

  20. Johnny G April 9, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    E – what are you complaining about? At least Selective Search is free for women. For men, it’s the biggest scam since Bernie Madoff. I paid well into the five figures (yes, I am an idiot) to meet women who supposedly would meet all my criteria and actually be interested in a longterm relationship. What I got was just a bunch of dates with random hot girls. Which on the surface sounds ok but 1) they weren’t interested in a relationship 2) weren’t very smart (my doctor preference got me a dental receptionist…haha) and most importantly 3) simply weren’t interested in me. At all. But every time I complained their excuse is always “can’t predict chemistry!”. Well guess what? I CAN predict I will sue! Men – please learn from my experience. Anyone else get ripped off, please contact me at johnnygoodboy2@yahoo.com

  21. Mike April 10, 2010 at 7:12 a.m.

    Comments on comments:
    * Patrick | April 9, 2010 10:09 AM
    Wow! You’re better than Dr. Laura! It’s been at least a few weeks since I’ve seen someone paint in broad strokes like you.
    * Innocent III | April 9, 2010 1:05 PM
    You’re pimping Gottlieb’s book? She has had her moments, I suppose, but in that book (based on limited views) she sounds like a pathetic loser who is projecting her insecurities on the entire adult population. You might not want to “settle.” In fact, the advice of Patrick (above) might be appropriate for you.

  22. Alice April 10, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Best advice is to read the, 10 steps to success in love and marriage, shut off your computer and get out to find your ideal man or woman who finds you ideal too. Its the best advice I can give to anyone who is interested in success.
    These sites are there to take your money every month and not to help you succeed. Hello, don’t stay dumb.

  23. Tom April 12, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    I used a RE broker to buy a house… I have a financial advisor for my money… And I used a Matchmaker to find the love of my life. It worked for me!!

  24. garcia June 16, 2010 at 5:32 a.m.

    I actually love this concept, and have been thinking about this sort of thing for a while now (how to better leverage personal connections for online dating). The online dating space is broken. It’s like impersonal shopping, and it’s a space that is grossly overdue for a tune up that integrates social connections in a neat and effective way. Leveraging Facebook to allow people to play matchmaker, makes a ton of sense.

  25. warren June 16, 2010 at 5:35 a.m.

    Seems very Facebook-centered to me. If you don’t have a Facebook Account, there is nothing really to see on that site. Also, after three days, you have to pay-up to stay a premium member. Not really TPB style, if you ask me.

  26. arnold June 16, 2010 at 5:48 a.m.

    Well, if they’ll make it like a facebook-twitter dating site, then this might be interesting.